I slept alright, but woke up stressed. All my anxieties for the day and the coming week are creeping up on me all of a sudden. Hard to stay in the now when you know you have so much in front of you. I feel a lot of resistance on my end, trying to push back the thoughts. That's a lot of fighting and effort for something that's in my head. It's making me tired already even though the day didn't really start yet. I need to think straight and play smart, consider my needs and not just follow blindly whatever is thrown at me. It doesn't mean blindly following my needs either, but considering them so that I can find the course of action that's good for everyone. I just need to keep the end goal in sight so I can work towards it. I'm not sure what the end goal is to be honest? Why am I working so hard? Maybe recognition? But I'm not sure. Lots of the things I do go unnoticed and I'm ok with that. Not the money either. I earn alright, but could make much more working elsewhere. Maybe it's the journey. The team, the company, the scale of it. I think it's because I believe in it, and I feel it can take my team and I a long way. Everything is accelerated and multiplied. When things are good, it's great and when it's bad, it's terrible.
My day and coming week don't look so bad either. Still I'm stressed. It's a pile of busy work on top of other busy work on top of very important meetings. The busy work is always on the back of my head and it prevents me from focusing on the important stuff. And then there is just “stuff”. It's not busy work, not important meetings, just work that needs to be done. And then there's personal issues. It's friday and I know I will need to deal with them this weekend.