I have anxiety attacks and I'm unsure why. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone there's a thought that just pops in my head that basically says “I hope I don't have an anxiety attack”... and well, it doesn't help. It's almost as if I'm doing this to myself. I have no idea why. It's very disturbing. It's a sort of vicious circle too, because the more I do that, the more I remember to do it the next time. All the time when I really don't want to have an anxiety attack, this question pops in my head.
My heartbeat increases, my voice changes slightly (I think?) and I start to move a lot. I think people don't really notice though – I can be good at hiding things like that. Maybe it would help me if I acknowledge? Potentially...
The way I can stop it is by focusing on something else. I just focus on what the other person is saying and carefully listen. I think as soon as my rational brain takes over it's much better. As soon as I forget to think about anxiety everything is better.
It's a strange pattern. I really need to break out of it and not automatically think about anxiety as soon as I don't want it. I'm hoping mindfulness can help me with that. But that's probably only going to happen if I can consistently practice it. Alright, time for meditation now.